“There’s no experience quite like cutting your own live Christmas tree out of your neighbor’s yard.” – Dan Florence
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Barry
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard
“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” – Don Marquis
“I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.” – Bridger Winegar
“Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.” – Erma Bombeck
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” – Henny Youngman
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